Transcript:Beauty and the Beast: Part Two

The transcript for Beauty and the Beast: Part Two, found here.

KILGHARRAH In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CATRINA’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT] [Queen Catrina relaxes in her chambers.]

JONAS You look positively foul. Does the enchantment hold?

TROLL (CATRINA) It works a treat. Uther is like a puppet on a string.

JONAS What about the boy, Merlin? He knows your secret.

TROLL (CATRINA) Leave him to me. *cackle*

[Uther enters, Jonas bows and exits.]

JONAS My Lord.

UTHER Darling, we are alone at last. What's wrong?

TROLL (CATRINA) I'm sorry. It's not you. I want this more than anything. This has been the happiest day of my life.

UTHER Then what is it?

TROLL (CATRINA) When I was forced to flee my home, the one thing I was able to take with me was my family seal.

UTHER Yes, you showed it to me when you first arrived.

TROLL (CATRINA) It's the only surviving link I have to my father, and now it's gone. Stolen from my chambers.

UTHER Who could've done such a thing?

TROLL (CATRINA) Oh no, please, I don't want to cause any trouble. Not on a day that should be filled with such joy.

UTHER Catrina, who took your seal?

TROLL (CATRINA) It was Arthur's servant, Merlin.

-- [EXT. KING’S PALACE, BATTLEMENTS – DAY] [Arthur walking past the battlements with the palace guards.]

ARTHUR Search the stables. You, check the kitchens. And alert the guard on the south gate!

GUARD Search in there. This way!

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, PHYSICIAN’S CHAMBERS – DAY] [Sir Leon and guards enter.]

SIR LEON Where's Merlin?

GAIUS Where he always is at this time: working for Arthur. What's this about?

SIR LEON We've come to arrest him, by order of the King.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, ARTHUR’S CHAMBERS – DAY] [Merlin goes about his duties. Arthur enters.]

ARTHUR You need to get out of here. The King's ordered me to arrest you.

MERLIN What?

ARTHUR Catrina's accused you of taking her seal.

MERLIN But I didn't.

ARTHUR I don't want to know, and you haven't got time to explain. If you value your life, you'll leave Camelot right now.

MERLIN Arthur, she is a troll, and she's trying to set me up.

ARTHUR We've been through this.

MERLIN I'm telling the truth. I saw her.

[Guards knock on the door.]

ARTHUR I don't care. You need to leave, Merlin.

[Guards knock on the door.]

GUARD Sire!

ARTHUR Go. Go!

[Merlin exits the back way before guards enter the Prince's room.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM – DAY] [Arthur stands before Uther and Catrina.]

ARTHUR I fear he may have slipped through our net.

CATRINA You're very quick to give up the chase.

ARTHUR That is because I know my quarry is long gone.

UTHER How can you be so certain?

ARTHUR Well, despite appearances, Merlin isn't stupid. He must've got wind that we were looking for him and left.

CATRINA Outwitting your army in the process.

ARTHUR It appears so.

CATRINA I thought your men aspired to the same high standards that my father instilled in you.

UTHER When I led the army, they did.

ARTHUR We don't even know if he's still in Camelot. He could be anywhere.

CATRINA And that's a good enough reason to give up?

ARTHUR No, I'm not. It's just that I believe our resources would be better...

UTHER I've had enough of your excuses. We both have. I want the boy found.

ARTHUR Sire. My Lady.

[Arthur bows to each of them and exits.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE – DAY] [Troll eating somewhere in the castle.]

TROLL My plan to undermine Arthur is underway. Soon Uther will detest the sight of his own son.

[The Troll stops and sniffs the air.]

TROLL What's that, then? What is that smell?

JONAS A treat. To celebrate. Fresh from the stables.

TROLL Oh, Jonas, you do know how to treat a lady.

-- [EXT. FOREST – DAY] [Guards are out looking for Merlin in the woods. They find a scarf and an old campfire.]

GUARD Alert the rest of the guards!

-- [EXT. LOWER TOWN – DAY] [Guards return to Camelot and Gwen talks to Gaius in the street.]

GWEN They found Merlin's trail. They say he's heading for the northern borders.

GAIUS I'm sure he'll outrun them.

GWEN What if he can't? Uther won't show him any mercy.

GAIUS Try not to worry, Gwen.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, PHYSICIAN’S CHAMBERS – DAY] [Gaius returns and knocks on a barrel full of grain, Merlin emerges.]

MERLIN That was comfortable.

GAIUS A necessary evil, I'm afraid. They picked up the trail that we left, but it won't fool them for long.

MERLIN Then I'd better get busy.

GAIUS And Merlin, be careful. The guards are still searching for you.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CORRIDOR – DAY] [Catrina itches as she walks back to her chambers, Merlin spies on them through a grate in the wall.]

JONAS Mistress, it is time.

TROLL (CATRINA) Do I have to?

JONAS You must keep up the pretence!

TROLL (CATRINA) I hate being like this! So clean! It's revolting. I can't keep it up. This skin, this face! I just want to claw it off!

JONAS Think of all the money, and the power. Soon it will all be yours.

[Merlin sees her take the potion. The troll skin disappears. Merlin runs to hide when Catrina exits.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM – DAY] [Arthur stands before Uther and Catrina.]

UTHER There's something important that I...we wish you to address. For too long, the people have had it easy. They've grown fat off our indulgence of them.

ARTHUR How so?

UTHER We provide peace, protection, food. They give us very little in return.

ARTHUR Most of our people are poor. They survive on the few crops they're able to grow.

CATRINA That is what they would have us believe.

ARTHUR It's what I see every day.

UTHER We're introducing a new tax.

CATRINA The people must for the sanctuary that Camelot provides.

ARTHUR You can't. The majority are barely able to get by as it is.

UTHER Those who refuse to pay it will be arrested and publicly flogged.

ARTHUR We've lived this way for years. You've never suggested anything like this before.

CATRINA Maybe not to you, but the King confided in me that he has been considering this for some time, haven't you?

UTHER Yes, I have. You are to begin the collections at once.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CATRINA’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT] [Merlin sneaks into Catrina's chambers while Jonas is sleeping.]

MERLIN (whisper) Tospringe.

[Merlin takes the potion bottle.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS – NIGHT]

MERLIN I saw her drink some of this potion and a patch of troll skin on her arm disappeared.

GAIUS It must be pretty powerful magic to physically change her like that.

MERLIN Could you make a potion that looks and tastes the same as this?

GAIUS I don't know. Yes, I suppose so, but without the troll magic, it wouldn't have the same effect.

MERLIN Exactly. If I can replace this potion with one that isn't magical.

GAIUS Ah, so Catrina will keep taking it, but it'll no longer work.

MERLIN And she'll turn into a troll. Think you can do it?

GAIUS I don't know.

MERLIN We have to make the switch before morning or Jonas will notice.

GAIUS Then it's going to be a long night.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CATRINA’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT] [Catrina enters her chambers warily.]

UTHER My Lady.

[Catrina is unpleasantly startled.]

CATRINA My Liege.

UTHER I brought you flowers picked from the royal garden.

CATRINA Oh, well they're...they're lovely.

UTHER Not as lovely as you.

CATRINA Achoo!

UTHER Are you all right?

CATRINA I'm sorry. I don't think I can keep this up any longer.

UTHER Keep what up?

CATRINA The lie. I can't keep pretending like this. I'm beginning to wonder if you're really the man I thought you were, the man I fell in love with. The man I married was firm, strong, in both mind and body.

UTHER Trust me, I am all of those, and more.

CATRINA I fear for Camelot. Arthur has not taken after his father. He is too weak to make the hard decisions.

UTHER Then it's lucky I'm in such rude health.

CATRINA Lucky, indeed, but what if some tragedy were to befall you?

UTHER Let me worry about Arthur.

CATRINA No, I can't. Your love for him has made you blind to his faults.

UTHER I judge Arthur the same as the rest of my men. If he excels, he is rewarded. If he fails, he is punished.

CATRINA Well, so long as you're sure of that.

UTHER I am. Now let me take your mind off this. I promise, our first night as husband and wife will be one to remember.

[Catrina breathes on him to knock him out.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, PHYSICIAN’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT] [Gaius replicating potion.]

MERLIN What's in it?

GAIUS Nothing too potent. Rat's guts.

MERLIN Nice.

GAIUS Toad paste. Take two toads, grind them up...

MERLIN No, I get the picture.

GAIUS Horse dung. Crushed sheep's eyeball.

MERLIN Oh, lovely.

GAIUS Pond scum. Three wolf spiders. And what potion isn't complete without a dash of sheep's brain?

MERLIN Sounds delicious.

GAIUS Good, 'cause you're going to taste it.

MERLIN No way.

GAIUS It's completely harmless.

MERLIN Er, no. *gags* That is...ugh. That is disgusting.

GAIUS Yes, to you, but not to a troll.

MERLIN I can't even believe you let me put that in my mouth.

GAIUS Yes, well, try the original.

MERLIN Oh...

GAIUS Just a small amount. And be sure to spit it out.

[Merlin gags and spits.]

GAIUS Does it taste roughly the same?

MERLIN Yes! It's horrible.

GAIUS Are you sure? Because if there's too big a difference, Catrina will notice.

MERLIN It tastes exactly the same.

GAIUS Well, let's hope she thinks so, too.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CORRIDOR/CATRINA’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT] [Merlin sneaks past patrolling guards in Catrina's corridor and puts fake potion back in her chamber.]

MERLIN Tospringe.

[Merlin hears someone coming and hides in wardrobe. Jonas enters and sits. Merlin notices he left the cupboard door open.]

MERLIN ''Fýrbendum fæst. ''

[Jonas investigates the cupboard noise.]

-- [EXT. LOWER TOWN – DAY] [Arthur takes a walk. He sees guards wrestling with a man.]

ARTHUR What do you think you're doing?!

GUARD He's refusing to pay the King's tax.

MAN You-- you ask for too much.

[Gwen comes out of her house.]

MAN I've given all I can.

GUARD That's not enough!

[The crowd stares at Arthur imploringly.]

ARTHUR Let me see.

[Arthur looks in the money pouch and hands it to the man.]

ARTHUR Release him.

GUARD The King said...

ARTHUR Release him. Give them back their money. All of it.

[Arthur leaves and people smile and bow to him.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM – DAY] [Arthur standing before Uther and Catrina.]

UTHER I gave you a direct order.

ARTHUR The people cannot afford to pay the tax.

CATRINA Don't tell me you're naïve enough to take them at their word?

ARTHUR We have their loyalty, their goodwill. Do not forsake that by making unreasonable demands.

CATRINA Is it so unreasonable for a king to expect his subjects to obey him?

ARTHUR They'll starve!

UTHER Nonsense. They've grown too soft. Remember, these are your subjects, not your friends.

ARTHUR And why can't they be both?

UTHER Because we rule the people, not the other way around.

ARTHUR I think you're wrong.

UTHER I beg your pardon?

ARTHUR I said you're wrong. Without the people there is no Camelot. We're as much their servant as they are ours.

CATRINA You allow him to address you in this manner?

UTHER No I do not. It will not be tolerated. You will take your men down into the town and go to every house collecting the payments I demand.

ARTHUR I will not.

UTHER Get out of my sight.

[Arthur bows and exits.]

UTHER How can he do this to me? My own son? After all the sacrifices I've made for him!

CATRINA Oh, you are tense.

UTHER Is it any surprise? The lack of respect he shows me.

CATRINA Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?

UTHER No, of course not. No, it's...but your hands are surprisingly strong for one so delicate.

CATRINA Arthur carries a heavy burden. It can't be easy holding all that responsibility at such a tender age.

UTHER I'm afraid that's the way it has to be. After all, I cannot rule Camelot alone.

CATRINA Well, you don't have to. You married me, remember?

UTHER How can I forget?

[Uther tries to kiss Catrina.]

CATRINA I'm sorry, I can't. I'm too worried about you. With Arthur letting you down the way he has, how will you cope? Like you said, you can't rule Camelot alone.

UTHER I have you by my side.

CATRINA Oh, I may be your queen, but I have no power.

UTHER Why not?

CATRINA Well, the people wouldn't respect me as they do Arthur. I'm not heir to the throne.

UTHER Would it put your mind at rest if you were?

CATRINA Oh, it would. It most definitely would.

UTHER Then you shall be. The ceremony will take place this afternoon.

[Catrina breathes on Uther to knock him out.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CATRINA’S CHAMBERS – DAY] [Merlin still hiding in wardrobe. Catrina!Troll enters.]

TROLL (CATRINA) Jonas, it's time for my potion.

JONAS Are your plans progressing as you'd hoped.

TROLL (CATRINA) Yes, not a moment too soon.

[Catrina!Troll seems to notice something and walks over to wardrobe only to look in the mirror.]

TROLL (CATRINA) I must admit, though, that crown will look rather fetching. All that gold, and them lovely jewels.

CATRINA Now, would you care to accompany your queen?

[They exit. Merlin comes out of hiding and exits.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, ARTHUR’S CHAMBERS – DAY] [Arthur pouts in his chambers. There’s a knock at the door.]

ARTHUR Come in. Guinevere!

GWEN I saw what you did earlier. The people owe you a debt of gratitude.

ARTHUR The people owe me nothing. My father's still going to impose the tax.

GWEN Will he not be persuaded?

ARTHUR Not by me. He can't stand the sight of me.

GWEN That's not true. The King loves you.

ARTHUR You should've heard the way he spoke to me.

GWEN I'm sure he was angry, but you're still his son. Everyone appreciates what you did. They know you tried, and they won't forget that.

ARTHUR Maybe he's right. One day I will be the King of Camelot, and I cannot be a friend to the people as well as their ruler.

GWEN That's not true, and you will prove it when you become King. You've a kind heart, Arthur. Don't ever change. Not for anyone.

[A knock at the door. Leon enters.]

SIR LEON The King has sent for you.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM – DAY] [Arthur enters. The full council is assembled.]

ARTHUR Father?

UTHER I'm relaxing your duties, revoking your title.

ARTHUR What?

UTHER We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.

ARTHUR You've always welcomed my counsel in the past.

UTHER You stood against me for all the people to see.

ARTHUR I'm sorry. Any future grievance I have will be held in private.

UTHER No, it's too late for that.

ARTHUR Father, this is...

UTHER You are to be disinherited, with immediate effect. You are no longer Crown Prince of Camelot.

GAIUS Sire, Arthur is your son, your natural heir...

ARTHUR Gaius...You've always taught me to be true to my heart, and that's all I've ever tried to do. To be the man you wanted me to be. Someone you were proud to call your son.

UTHER My decision is final.

[Arthur leaves.]

UTHER Queen Catrina will be named as rightful heir to the throne. The ceremony will begin forthwith.

[Sir Leon begins the slow clap.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, PHYSICIAN’S CHAMBERS – DAY] [Merlin enters.]

MERLIN We've done it! Catrina's drank the fake potion. What's wrong? What's happened?

GAIUS Uther has disinherited Arthur and made Catrina his heir.

MERLIN So if Uther dies, she will rule Camelot.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, HALL OF CEREMONIES – DAY]

GEOFFREY We are gathered here to bear witness to the naming of Queen Catrina as the rightful heir to Camelot. Are you willing to take the oath?

CATRINA I am.

GEOFFREY Do you solemnly swear to govern the people of Camelot, to uphold the laws and customs of the land?

CATRINA I...do. *itches*

GEOFFREY Will you, to your power cause law and justice in mercy to be executed in all your judgments?

CATRINA I will.

GEOFFREY Will you, to the utmost of your powers...

[Catrina checks her arm and sees troll skin.]

GEOFFREY ...maintain the laws...

CATRINA Yes, yes.

GEOFFREY I'm sorry, you-you must let me finish. The wording must be exactly right to be binding.

CATRINA Well, get on with it then. I mean, really, where did you dig up this old crone from?

UTHER She's right. Get on with it.

GEOFFREY Will you, to the utmost of your powers...

CATRINA Yes, yes.

GEOFFREY ...maintain the laws and customs...

CATRINA I will, I will.

GEOFFREY ...of the land, and serve the people of Camelot?

CATRINA Yes! Just shut up and give me the crown!

[The court gasps. Geoffrey presents the crown to Catrina.]

CATRINA Will you just hurry up!

[Catrina grabs crown and jams it on her head while running out of the Hall of Ceremonies.]

UTHER Catrina!

[Uther follows her into the Red Ribbon Corridor followed shortly by Morgana, Jonas, and Merlin. Catrina tries to find a way to escape.]

UTHER Catrina!

[Guards point him toward the Council Chamber of Doom.]

UTHER Catrina!

[Merlin magically closes the council chamber doors so Catrina can't escape.]

UTHER Whatever's the matter?

CATRINA I'm sorry...[hides troll arm.] I don't know what came over me. I, I just suddenly felt so hot. I, do you know, I think I need to be on my own, alright?

MORGANA Are you alright?

CATRINA Yes, yes, I'm, I'm fine. Really, thank you. I just...

MERLIN Fýrbendum fæst.

[Merlin’s spell locks the door.]

CATRINA Come on. Come on.

TROLL (CATRINA) Open!

ARTHUR Let me.

[Arthur sees Catrina’s troll arm and backs away.]

ARTHUR What's that?

[Catrina begins to transform.]

MORGANA What's happening? Somebody help her!

[Catrina completely transforms.]

ARTHUR You're a troll!

TROLL
 * gasp*

[Uther’s reverie is broken.]

UTHER How dare you speak about her like that!

ARTHUR What is wrong with you? Look at the state of her!

MORGANA I don't believe it.

[The troll rips open the door and exits with a snarl.]

ARTHUR She just ripped a door off its hinges. Doesn't that tell you something?

UTHER Enough!

ARTHUR She's a troll! A giant...grey...

MORGANA Stinking.

ARTHUR Stinking troll!

UTHER Stop it! Haven't you hurt her feelings enough? Insult my wife again, it'll be the last thing you ever do.

[Morgana and Arthur stare slackjawed at Uther as he picks up Catrina’s shoes and crown and exits.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CATRINA’S CHAMBERS] [Uther goes to his troll wife.]

UTHER I'm so sorry that you had to hear those terrible things.

TROLL He-- he-- he's just taking time to adjust. He'll soon get used to having a stepmother around.

UTHER How could he compare such beauty with a troll?

TROLL (shrug) Search me. I washed my face and everything.

[Uther kisses her forehead.]

TROLL What is it?

UTHER It's just your scent, it's-- it's so...fragrant.

TROLL Hmm. Well, it's er, it's mostly...dung.

UTHER And such a sense of humour, too. I was so blessed it was my castle you came to. That I may look upon this vision every day.

TROLL Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

UTHER And I shall behold it.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM] [Council members enter to approach Uther.]

UTHER I wasn't aware we were due to convene the council. What's this about? Come on. Someone speak up.

GAIUS I'm afraid it's your wife, Sire.

UTHER Yes, what about her?

GAIUS It's a rather delicate matter, Sire.

UTHER Gaius, you've been my trusted advisor for many years. You can speak as you will.

GAIUS I don't suppose it's escaped your notice, Sire, but we just...just wanted to make absolutely certain. You do realise your wife is a troll, Sire.

UTHER I beg your pardon?

GAIUS At least that's the way she looks to us. What with the warts, and the nose...

SIR LEON And the smell.

UTHER The smell? What?

GAIUS She also has, what appears to be, a set of fangs.

UTHER What?

SIR LEON I wouldn't really say they were fangs. More like tusks.

GAIUS Yes, they are more like tusks. Not that we're saying that's necessarily a bad thing. I just thought I ought to point it out to you in case it had passed you by.

UTHER The next person to insult Queen Catrina will be charged with treason, and beheaded according to the laws of the land.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS]

GAIUS Uther must be enchanted. It's the only explanation.

MERLIN Which is why we have to find a way to break it.

GAIUS You won't find anything in your magic books. Troll enchantments are too strong.

MERLIN Then what are we going to do?

GAIUS You must speak to the dragon. If there's a way to break Catrina's hold on Uther, he'll know it. But be careful, dragons and trolls have been close allies in the past.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL DINING CHAMBER OF DOOM - DAY] [Troll dines with Uther.]

UTHER Is everything to your satisfaction?

TROLL Er, no. This thing's got to go for a start.

[Troll points at her chair, tries to get up, but her large bum is stuck in it.]

TROLL It's made for midgets! Too hard, too clean! Not my taste at all.

UTHER What can I get you instead?

TROLL Ah. I was walking through the grounds this morning, and I couldn't help but notice that your stables have just been mucked out. It seems such a waste to throw away all that lovely dung.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, DRAGON’S CAVE] [Kilgharrah laughs heartily at Merlin's news.]

MERLIN This isn't funny.

KILGHARRAH Oh, it is, it is. The thought of Uther marrying a troll! Was it a very public affair?

MERLIN Public enough.

[Kilgharrah laughs some more.]

MERLIN Don't laugh! If she can't be stopped, Arthur won't become King. Albion will never be born.

KILGHARRAH I'm sorry. You are right, of course.

MERLIN How can we break the enchantment?

KILGHARRAH These are not trifling tricks. Troll magic is very powerful.

MERLIN There has to be a way.

KILGHARRAH The only way you could break this enchantment is if Uther were to cry tears of true remorse.

MERLIN How do we make him do that?

KILGHARRAH That I can't answer. Uther's heart is cold as stone. He's never been sorry for anything.

MERLIN Thanks, I think.

KILGHARRAH Young warlock, it was some time ago you promised to set me free. The help I give is not unconditional.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER OF DOOM – DAY] [Troll eats, sitting on dung heap, while the council looks on in disgust. She hands a piece of dung to Uther.]

TROLL That is for you. Now, tell them about our plan, beloved. Plan.

UTHER We're introducing further taxes.

SIR LEON Sire, we can't. The people've given all they can.

UTHER You told me that before, and yet our coffer is full.

SIR LEON Your people are already going hungry.

UTHER Are you questioning my orders?

SIR LEON It's just, if we take more, they'll starve.

UTHER Who are you to tell me what's best for my people? You will collect more taxes, or you will lose your head.

TROLL (cackles) Lose your head. (cackles) Lose his head.

UTHER I understand Bayard of Mercia wishes to honour our marriage with a visit.

SIR LEON Yes, Sire.

TROLL Oh, good! Now, tell this Bayard we expect gifts. Lots of lovely shiny gold.

SIR LEON I-- I think at this time it might be wise to...

TROLL
 * belch*

SIR LEON ...to respectfully decline his offer of a visit.

UTHER Whatever for?

SIR LEON I'm still not sure that we can trust Bayard.

UTHER Nonsense. He is a friend of Camelot. You will send our reply. It will be an honour to feast with him.

TROLL Honour.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, PHYSICIAN’S CHAMBERS – DAY]

MERLIN The dragon said he had to cry tears of true remorse to break the enchantment.

GAIUS Well, that's not going to be easy. Uther's heart's closed to everyone.

MERLIN Well, not everyone. Arthur.

GAIUS Then there's only one course of action we can take. Uther must see his son die.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, ARTHUR’S CHAMBERS – DAY] [Arthur goes to bed and blows out the candle.]

MERLIN (whisper) Arthur! Arthur!

[Arthur bolts out of bed and grabs a sword from his bedside table.]

ARTHUR Who's there?

[Merlin pops out from under the bed.]

MERLIN Merlin.

ARTHUR You're back.

MERLIN I never left.

ARTHUR You mean to say...

MERLIN Yes.

ARTHUR You've been under there this whole time.

MERLIN No. Course not. No.

ARTHUR 'cause if you were...

MERLIN I wasn't, I swear. So your, er, your stepmother is a troll, then.

ARTHUR If you say "I told you so"...

MERLIN I wasn't going to. I wouldn't. But it's true that if you had listened to me earlier, then...Sorry. Gaius and I believe your father's been enchanted, now we found a way to break the spell, but we need your help.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS – NIGHT] [Arthur, now fully dressed, consults with Merlin and Gaius.]

ARTHUR So your great plan is to kill me?

MERLIN No. Well, yes. It...not exactly. It's...Gaius has made a potion that gives the appearance of death without the actual dying bit. It's fine. There's nothing to worry about. It'll only bring you to the brink of death.

ARTHUR Oh, only to the brink.

MERLIN We haven't got a choice.

GAIUS We have to make your father cry.

ARTHUR He doesn't care about me anymore.

GAIUS Nonsense. That's Catrina's influence. I've known your father for many, many years. There's never been anyone or anything he's treasured more than you. It's perfectly safe. A single drop of the antidote will reverse the effects immediately.

ARTHUR Antidote. What antidote? You didn't say anything about the antidote!

MERLIN Er...I didn't think it was important.

GAIUS The potion will lower your heart rate and breathing. For all intents and purposes, you will be dead.

ARTHUR And the antidote reverses the effects?

GAIUS Yes. If it's administered in time.

ARTHUR If it isn't?

GAIUS You will be dead.

ARTHUR You just said it wasn't important!

MERLIN Erm...yeah, I suppose it is a bit important.

GAIUS Merlin will have the antidote. Once I have administered the poison....er, the potion, he'll have half an hour to get it to you.

ARTHUR Don't be late.

MERLIN Am I ever?

GAIUS Are you sure you want to go through with this?

ARTHUR It's the only way to save Camelot.

[Arthur rolls his eyes and drinks the potion, waits, shrugs, then passes out.]

GAIUS Time to break the bad news to Uther.

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CENTRAL CORRIDOR – NIGHT] [Merlin peeks around a corner and jogs down the corridor. Jonas drops a vase on Merlin's head and the antidote bottle falls down the Griffin Staircase and breaks. Uther goes to Arthur's Chambers to find his "dead" son.]

UTHER My boy.

[Merlin wakes, finds the broken bottle.]

UTHER It was my fault. I pushed you away.

[Merlin soaks up the antidote with his neckerchief. Troll finds Uther cradling his "dead" son.]

UTHER My son. My son.

TROLL Come away. There's nothing you can do for him now.

UTHER (cries) I killed him. I killed my only son!

TROLL No, no, no, no. ''Nu meaht þú begalan. Nu meaht þú...''

[Troll pulls on his arm and Uther finally turns around, tears streaming down his face.]

UTHER Catrina? What kind of trickery is this?

TROLL How I've suffered these last weeks. Allowing you to touch me! Having to share a bed with you!

UTHER Ugh.

TROLL It's repulsive.

UTHER I know the feeling.

TROLL Ooh, I've been looking forward to this.

UTHER Guards! Seize....it!

[Merlin brings antidote sopped neckerchief to Arthur and squeezes out one drop to revive him. Arthur tries to attack Troll.]

TROLL Is that any way to treat your dear old stepmother?

[She throws Arthur then fights off Uther and guards. Jonas goes for Arthur, Arthur runs him through. Troll goes for Arthur again.]

MERLIN ''Fléoge hrægl. ''

[The spell pulls the rug out from under Troll; she lands on her back. Arthur runs her through.]

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, COUNCIL DINING CHAMBER OF DOOM – DAY] [Uther and Arthur at dinner.]

UTHER
 * Ahem* I'd like to thank you for exposing this attack on our state. Once again, magic was used to strike at the heart of Camelot.

ARTHUR You mean, your heart. How many nights did you share a bed with a troll?

UTHER Obviously I was under its spell.

[Arthur sniggers.]

UTHER I did many things that I...regret.

ARTHUR Father, I really don't want to know the details. (laughs)

-- [INT. KING’S PALACE, CORRIDOR – DAY] [Arthur finds Merlin walking down the corridor.]

ARTHUR Merlin. I want you to know that I never doubted you. Alright, maybe I did, but it's your own fault. You've got a suspicious look about you. Shifty. Like you've got something to hide.

MERLIN I am an open book.

ARTHUR I don't believe that for a second. However, I do know that without your help, I'd still have a troll for a stepmother. Well, thanks. Whoa. What are you doing?

MERLIN I thought you were going for a hug.

ARTHUR No.

MERLIN No.